adoption questions answered

Several posts ago, I said I'd answer "those" questions when I was feeling brave.

Well I don't know that "brave" is what I'm feeling, but here we go...

I'm going to answer and address the two most popular questions and criticisms for those of us who are adopting internationally.  But let me offer a disclaimer first...

I am only speaking for myself and my family.  I don't dare claim to be an expert on this topic, nor am I disillusioned enough to think I represent everyone who has ever adopted.

1.  Why would you adopt a child from another country when there are so many here in the United States that need adopting?

Hmm....  Well, this is by far the greatest criticism we receive when we share with others that we're adopting internationally.  Sometimes people will ask us this directly, but it usually comes in the form of a sideways question but you know exactly what they're implying.  So...let me do my best to answer this for us.  

• We are fully convicted that the Gospel eliminates country boundaries.  There is no "ours" and "theirs."  ALL are made in the imagine of God and all were declared very good by our Creator.  (Genesis 1)
• We believe that God calls the Christian to care for orphans here in the US and in every single country on the map.
• Do we support domestic adoption?  Absolutely. 110%.  Without any hesitation at all...we support families who adopt from our great country! YES! YES!
• We don't believe, however, that one "type" of adoption (domestic or international) trumps the other.  All are orphans.  All are to be cared for.
• So why are we adopting (again!) from another country?  I don't have a very profound answer.  God has just given us a burden for those in orphanages in other countries.  Many years ago He started breaking our hearts for the babies and children in those conditions and has led us in that direction.  It's really not any more complex than that.  
• Conclusion:  We are Christ followers first, American second.  Where He leads, we follow.    

2.  If you can't afford to adopt, why would you?  Why are you asking others to pay for your adoption?

Ah... the money question...

• Let me first assure the skeptics out there...we are not sitting around on our duff hoping someone drops money in our lap!  We have made some major changes and cuts to our budget, have taken on odd jobs here and there, are using our savings, and doing EVERY. SINGLE. THING. WE. CAN. to pay for this ourselves!  So please be assured that we are working hard to that end!
• International adoption can cost anywhere from $25,000 to $40,000.  Yes, it's crazy ridiculous.  Yes, there is a lot of red tape and bureaucracy and (in our opinion) unnecessary costs involved.  Yes, it makes us sick that it cost that much to give a child a forever home.  But, as my Daddy would say, it is what it is.   You can't turn a deaf ear or blind eye to the millions of orphans all over the world just because you don't support the process.  At least we can't.  
• We stand by something we've shared before and will continue to share...ADOPTION IS NOT JUST FOR THE WEALTHY, IT'S FOR THE CALLED.  Aren't you thankful that those with an extra $30,000 sitting around aren't the only ones adopting?!?  If that were the case, can you imagine how much more sickening the already devastating orphan crisis would be??  
• Those who are followers of Christ are part of a larger picture.  Part of a body to be exact (1 Corinthians).  So there are times when the Lord calls someone to a task and the body should joyfully come alongside them for support.  Not always, but sometimes that support is financial.  Hmm... that always stirs up a certain amount of controversy...  

Well, I think that about covers it!  Of course there are many other concerns and criticisms, but those seem to be the most popular.  My desire in writing this was to simply shed some light on our convictions and our hearts' desire. 

Our prayer is that through this process, but more importantly through our life, God will receive all the praise and glory that He is due.  

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, concerns or feedback on this.  I think.  Maybe.  My skin isn't very thick, so maybe only nice thoughts.  :) **

t-shirt time!!

We are so excited about our next fund-raising effort for our adoption!!

::T-SHIRT TIME::

Who doesn't love a good t-shirt?! It's always fun to wear a t-shirt that's an original and catches the attention of on-lookers! We have designed a t-shirt that does just that! And the best part of all...when you buy a shirt, you will be helping make one less orphan in this world!!

Every single penny that is made from the sale of the shirts will go directly towards bringing our Elijah home!!

We ask that you please consider buying a shirt...or two...or three!! We would LOVE for you to share this with anyone and everyone you know!

When we sold t-shirts for Sam's adoption, it was so incredible to run into strangers wearing our shirts - so please SHARE THIS WITH EVERYONE!!  

So here they are...

{front}

{back}

*The front says "three million minus ONE" under the silhouette of China.  The wording is in reference to the (approximate) number of orphans in the world which most reports say 3 million.  Mind blowing - that's 3 million faces, 3 million children, 3 MILLION... 

*The back says "...and I helped..."  Because you will help make "one less" by buying a shirt!!

*The shirts are red with gray lettering.

**You DON'T have to have a paypal account to buy...you can use a credit or debit card!

**Please let me know if you have any questions or problems ordering!!

**If you need your shirt(s) shipped - please add the $5.00 shipping from the drop-down menu.  The $5.00 shipping is PER ORDER, not PER SHIRT, so only add it ONCE - even if you're ordering more than one!**

::THANK YOU::

Adult Sizes

Adult S $15.00 USD Adult M $15.00 USD Adult L $15.00 USD Adult XL $15.00 USD Adult XXL $16.50 USD Adult XXXL $17.50 USD Shipping $5.00 USD

Children/Youth Sizes

Youth XS (2-4) $15.00 USD Youth S (6-8) $15.00 USD Youth M (10-12) $15.00 USD Youth L (14-16) $15.00 USD Shipping $5.00 USD

grieving a loss...

She came into our living room last night, clearly shaken, overwhelmed, confused and struggling...

"Baby, what's wrong?  What's got you so upset?"

My precious 10 year old had questions about certain "words" and "phrases" and "situations."

Yep... those words, those phrases, and those situations.

Apparently some kids at school were discussing certain topics that my 10 year old was completely oblivious to. And believe me, her naivety was very intentional on her Dad and Mom's behalf!

We are very, very careful about what our kiddos watch, listen to, see on the internet and who they spend time with.  It's not by mistake that I've been labeled a helicopter parent - ya know, one that hovers over her children!

So there are certain topics and words that we have not introduced to our oldest yet because we felt she wasn't ready.  She's only 10 for crying out loud!!

So you can imagine the furry that welled up inside me when some kid at school decided she was ready...

There's no need for detail, but praise GOD, she wasn't too scarred or confused by what she heard.  She just had questions and we did our best to answer them in a way that we felt was appropriate without confusing her more but bringing peace to her little mind.

I knew the day was coming, but we, her parents, planned to be the initiator of those conversations.

And what I'm grieving is the loss of my little girl.

As she was talking, this is what I saw...

...my precious, blue-eyed, naive little baby.  My first-born. 

And it feels like I lost that last night.  

Her eyes have been opened to things that are only for those leaving child-hood and entering into the next season of life.  She now has questions and burdens that are not associated with being a little girl...

And it grieves me to my core.

I know this transition is normal, natural and even praise-worthy!  But it still hurts.

And it brings up a constant struggle we have of finding balance for our kids...

You see, as parents who are committed to raising your children in a way that honors God and the truth of His word, it's always hard to know how much your children should be exposed to.  Some use this struggle to justify their choice for public school, private school and homeschool.  It's a big deal...

And I've got to be perfectly honest here....If I could, I would move my family to a house on a mountain and only come down a few times a year for food.  I would isolate us from the rest of the world and live in a happy, safe Brown Family Bubble!

But we all know that's not reality.  And...it makes us completely useless for advancing the gospel...which is our purpose as Christians, right?!

So since my bubble theory doesn't seem to pan out, I cling to something a very wise lady once told me...

You can't isolate your children from the world, so you insulate them with the Word of God.

Face it parent, your children are going to be exposed to sin and corruption (although I understand the desire for that exposure to be on your terms. Believe me, I do!) so the only peace we can have, as parents, is to make sure they are fully insulated with the truth found in scripture.

Teach it to your kids.

Study it with your kids.

Memorize it with your kids.

And live it out in front of your kids.

After my baby went to bed last night, I looked at Lee and said, "What do we do?"

Praise the Lord for my amazing, godly husband who is my voice of wisdom when emotions have the best of me. (See, I was ready to call the school this morning and tell them she'd never be back. Ever. I even looked into homeschool for college.)

He looked at me and simply said, "We redeem it."

Wow.

We use the beauty of God's Word to teach our babies how God can make right what the world has made wrong.

We use the beauty of God's Word to show our babies how God intended things to be and how we, as Christians, fight to redeem that in a lost and fallen world.  

updates, a name & a story about poop

Are you sick and tired of hearing us talk about raising money for the adoption?

Are you rolling your eyes at yet another "fundraising" post?

Yeah, me too!

I promise you my friend, I'm more weary of this "adoption fund raising" than you are.  Trust me.

Here are the facts:

1.  God has given my family a huge and unexplainable (apart from Him) burden for orphans.

2.  God has called Lee to be a pastor and me, a stay-at-home mom.  You do the math on income! :)

3.  The perfect scenario would be for us to have an extra, oh say, $30,000 sitting around so we could completely fund it ourselves.

And here is our prayer:

*That other Christians will heed the command of scripture to care for orphans.  For the Believer, it's not a suggestion, it's a command.  We are the ones to carry the burden for the fatherless.  Not everyone is called to actually adopt, but all Christians are called to do something.  So our prayer is that others will carry the burden with us through finances and prayer.   

So here's an update on where we are with the envelope fundraiser...

The Lord has blessed us in a huge way!!  I cannot begin to tell you how thankful we are for all of you who have claimed an envelope.  We've had 78 of the 150 claimed and that is amazing.  Many of you have taken more than one envelope and others have donated more than what was asked.  It's truly been humbling to see.  

There are still some envelopes out there that have been claimed but haven't been returned, so I can't give you a total yet.  I do know it's over $5,000 and that blows my mind!!

Click here to see details of the fundraiser.  Basically, we're asking you to claim a numbered envelope and then donate the coordinating number.  The numbers are 1-150 so you're guaranteed to not be obligated beyond 150.  Actually, it's lower than that because many have asked for the highest one available.  

We are praying for at least 100 to be claimed so that's just about 22 more!!  Please prayerfully consider claiming one!!

So onto an adoption update:

We will have our home study complete by the 2nd week of December which is a huge relief!  From then, we'll begin working on our dossier.  I'm told this is even more intense than a home study.  I don't know how that's possible, but we'll see!!  (Korea doesn't require one so we didn't experience that with Sam.)

At this point, we're still not sure of a timeline, but here are some things we "know."  (I say "know" because you feel like you never really know anything on this journey!)

*Once all of our paperwork arrives in China (which will probably still be a few months) we'll be waiting 1-5 months for a referral.

*After our referral, we'll be looking at 3-4 months (I think!) until we travel to get him.

*So if you do a little calculation, we'll maybe-possibly-who-really-knows bring our son home at the end of next summer.

And the sweet munchkin already has a name...

Elijah Raith Brown

I get chills seeing it typed out.  I just can not wait to have my quiver full and have my Elijah home in my arms!  Please Lord.

So onto poop...

Really?  Yes.

I must share this story because it's one of my favorites! 

Lee & I began noticing that Sam would not eat brown M & M's.  Just wouldn't do it.  (We used them as treats when he was potty-training.)

He would rather walk away and have none than put a brown one in his mouth.  

This continued for a while and we were completely puzzled by it!

While talking about this one day in front of Ellee, she sheepishly grinned and said...

"I just may have told him that they were poopy..."

That Ellee.  If you know her, then you can see her saying it.  She is truly one of a kind.  Somehow she has her brother fully convinced that brown M & M's are poop.  

We've tried everything to convince him otherwise but he's not buying it.  I gave him a handful yesterday and he ate every one except the brown ones and he threw those in the trash.  

Silly, silly kids.  

And I pray soon that we'll have one more silly kid to add to the bunch!!

encouragement (hopefully!) for the weary mom

I was sitting in an interview with our social worker for the adoption and she began asking those questions you hate to answer...

"Describe yourself in 3 words."

"What's your greatest struggle?"

"How would your friends and family describe you?"

Ugh - I can not stand to answer those kinds of questions!  I mean really...I'm sitting in an office with a lady that has a large amount of control over this adoption process...is that really an environment for which one should feel comfortable airing their dirty laundry?!?

Then she started asking questions that were more manageable...

"How would you describe your family growing up?"

"What is your relationship with your parents like?"

"Describe your mom."

Those I can do.  And after I answered the one about Mom, I began thinking about myself in light of how my mother parented me...

{Side note:  I didn't ask my mom for permission to share this stuff so I hope she's ok with it!  Love you Mom!}

Over the summer, I was down visiting my parents for a few days with my kiddos.  Somehow, my girls stumbled upon some of my old toys, crafts, yearbooks, cheerleading uniforms, and some other treasures from my childhood.  They found all of it stuffed in a trunk in my parents' attic.

My girls laughed and played with those things for hours and I had so much fun watching them enjoy things I enjoyed as a girl.

Later they looked at some old family photos.  They found these tossed into a box in a hutch somewhere.

Here's the reality of how my Mom was when my brother and I were growing up...

She would have never been Pinterest approved.  Never.  Ever.

• Our snacks never had a theme and our lunch was never color coordinated.  As a matter of fact, I remember eating vienna sausages right out of the can.  What?!?  
• Our school & craft projects were never dated or tucked neatly away in crates with colored folders.
• Our birthday parties would've never showed up on Facebook for all to admire.

But here's the reality...

I would argue anyone to my death that I have the BEST MOTHER ever!  I really do.  She's full of love and compassion.  She listens and cares and loves deeply!  I have always been very close to my Mom (both of my parents actually!)  and am proud to call her one of my best friends.

Even as a teenager, she and I never had any major disagreements like so many do.  And...get ready for this one...we never argued a single time while planning my wedding. What?!

I adore my Mom and I have never ever felt slighted because my childhood memories aren't nestled away in a Pinterest-approved type of get up.  And it sure didn't hinder my girls from getting a glimpse into their Mommy's past.

Most moms are super defensive and critical and that's not my point at all, so before you crafty, super organized, Pinterest-perfect Moms get frustrated and go on the defense, hear me out...

I'm the opposite of my mom on most of those things mentioned above.  I really am... and it's kind of funny that I turned out that way!

For fear of sounding boastful,  I won't list specific things I do that Mom didn't do!  Just trust me... we're different!

Here's the truth though...I'm no better at being Mom because I keep color coordinated files of my children's school work.

And she's no better because she didn't.

I genuinely enjoy my label maker and files and big birthday parties -  that's why I do it!  It's fun to me!  Some of you moms don't care a thing about that....and that's ok!  It really is!

I suppose my point is this...

You were knit together by our Creator in a certain way.  Your unique ways play out in the exhausting, overwhelming, guilt-producing world of Mommy-hood!  

So find rest, weary Mom...

The Lord knew what He was doing when He gifted you in certain ways.  And it's ok if your gifts and interests are different than your neighbors, your Facebook friends and your sister-in-law!

It really is ok - this coming from one type of mom that was raised by a completely different type of mom!  

If I were just a little braver, I'd answer "those" questions...

One day, when I'm feeling brave...the more appropriate word would be BOLD...I may respond to questions and criticisms that are floating around about adoption, why we're doing it, why we chose international as opposed to domestic, why we don't just "pay for it ourselves" and many others...

But the truth is, I'm not ready to jump off that bridge yet! Maybe one day soon...maybe...

The journey of adoption is a tough one my friend, and we continue to ask for you to intercede on our behalf...and on behalf of our sweet baby boy who is waiting in China!

But as we wait and pray and pray and wait, we continue to labor towards making and raising the funds to bring him home.

So onto our second fundraiser...

With the help of my amazing Daddy, we have crafted a few signs and such to sell with all profits - yes, ALL  - 100% - going towards our adoption.  I have created an Etsy store {called For the Love of Orphans} to make the transactions a little easier.  I hope to add items on a regular basis.

Here is the link - https://www.etsy.com/shop/fortheloveoforphans

:: Just a few examples::

There are several ways you can help with this if you are willing...

1.  Obviously - consider purchasing something for yourself or as a gift!  Everything you see is completely customizable in terms of size and color.  Just let me know what you'd like!

2.  Most importantly - please share!!  Share on Facebook, email your friends, PIN SOME OF THE SIGNS on your Pinterest boards.  Anything would be great because the more "traffic"- the more potential for sales.

3.  Become a "follower" of the store! :)

This fundraiser has been particularly difficult for me to launch because I feel so vulnerable with it!  These signs have been hand-crafted and hand-painted by myself (& Dad with some!) and it's been very hard to put those items out there.  It may not make much sense, but it's been a struggle for me.  I guess it's that fear of rejection because it seems so personal.  

But none the less, here we go!!

And a little update...

Our first fundraiser - the envelopes - has been a huge blessing to us!  We've raised quite a bit and we praise the Lord for that!  Here are some numbers we still have available if anyone would like to claim one.  And if you're completely confused about the envelopes, click here for an explanation...

#18
#23
#45
#65
#86
#94
#95
#107
#116
#123
#129
#136

There are others, but these are just a few!

********************

And on another note, I must say Happy 10th Birthday to my first born child!  It's hard to believe that I've been called Mommy for 10 years, but it's true!  This sweet girl is precious to me and such a gift to our family!

:: Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow ::

if I must share a room...

...then at least make it fun...

So that's what we tried to do with these little monkeys...

Over the years, I have grown tired of looking at pink and purple in the girls' rooms, so I knew I wanted to go a different route when we moved into our new home last year.  I also knew I wanted them to have either bunk beds, loft beds or something like that.  Their room isn't super tiny, but I wanted to utilize all the floor space I could.  I also wasn't comfortable with them climbing up and down a ladder in middle of night if they got up.  {Overprotective you say??  Maybe...}

So onto the scene comes my sweet Daddy!  He and I began talking about ideas and plans and here's what we came up with...

The girls LOVED it!!  The picture below is blurry because I couldn't get them to sit still long enough to take it after they saw their beds for the first time! (Sam thinks it's pretty neat, too.  We're thinking up ideas for his room once his brother arrives!)

It took a few months to get the room just like we wanted it, but I think we're almost there.

The girls love the space under the beds because it's a "No Mommy Allowed" space.  I told the girls that they were responsible for their "area" and I wouldn't say anything to them about how it looked under there or how messy it got.  I only step in when things start seeping out from under the curtain.  Surprisingly, they don't let it get too out of hand!  But I'm thankful for a curtain that closes when they do.  {The curtains are made from ribbon and flat twin sheets.}  

 

A few signs I painted to add as accents to the room...

It's fun, functional and NOT pink and purple - everyone is HAPPY!!