Monday, September 30, 2013


/grās/, noun

1.  the free and unmerited favor of God

I couldn't help but chuckle the other day when someone said to me, "Man, you have such amazing faith to be going through this adoption process.  I wish I could trust God like that."


Well, my friend, let me pull back the veil on my unbelief...

There are days when I'm not walking by faith, but fear.  Fear that it's not all going to come together.  Fear that the funds won't be there.  

Fear that our special needs child will require more than I know how to give.  

Fear of the many judgements of those that don't support what we're doing.  Yes, we know y'all are out there...

Fear because we were praying for more envelopes to be claimed.  

Fear that our son won't adjust to our family.  Fear that my 3 precious kiddos won't adjust to him.

Fear that it just won't happen.  

Every day I open the mail with great expectation as the envelopes from our fundraiser have started arriving.  (Side note - I thank God for each of you, by name, that have given!)

Today I opened the mail only to receive a nice bill from when Sam was in the hospital last month.  I was immediately gripped with fear when I saw how much we owed.  I mean seriously, how much did those banana popsicles cost that they fed him all night?!?

Shall I go on or do you get what I'm saying about the constant struggles with fear and doubt?

Yes, I have days when my faith seems so tangible, so real, so strong.  And for those days, I'm thankful.

But on the other days, I have to cling to this truth, even though my emotions and feelings are SO VERY far from it...

God's grace covers my unbelief.  God's grace covers my fears.  God's grace covers my doubt.

I am confessing this because I am asking for you to pray for our family as we journey down this road again.   I believe strongly in being transparent and honest and vulnerable.  So this is me, telling you, that we covet your prayers.  

be still my soul, the Lord is on your side

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE how transparent, honest and vulnerable you are! It gives me hope. I struggle with my story! How much to tell, how much is enough or too much, how much I don't want to tell, how hard it is to tell my story, and how hard it is sometimes to NOT tell my story and let other people tell their stories. So, there! I needed to read this post tonight, probably as much as you needed to write it. Thank you for being so real, and for being so inspirational, and for being human, and for loving children who have no one else to love them. Thank you for doing the difficult things in life while the world around you seeks comfort, approval, popularity, and things that really don't last ... while you seek to serve and honor God.