Wednesday, October 27, 2010

easy doubts and quick questions

It's been a discouraging day. I cannot say that I wasn't warned. But the discouragement came quickly and hit hard.

This adoption journey has brought an extreme range of emotions and quite a few frustrations. Today I hit one of the low points on the emotional scale and tagging along was frustration at its peak.

We knew, from the beginning, that our greatest obstacle would be finances. We have read about, been counseled on, and heard all the negative comments regarding the challenges of adoption - international adoption in particular. We do not take these potential challenges lightly, but they have never caused us to doubt our desire to adopt or the call God has placed on us to do so. The hurdle that has "tripped us up" is the same hurdle that keeps many families from adopting...the enormous expense that adoption brings.

In the past few days, we've tripped again on the hurdle and I still feel like I'm laying face down on the ground. We found out that we have been denied for yet another adoption grant that would've provided financial assistance. What hurts the most is that this is the 3rd grant that has been "unable to provide assistance at this time."

The frustration this brings is like nothing I've experienced before. Believe me, as a stay-at-home mom and wife of a youth pastor, we've had our share of financial aggravations. But this is different. So very different. The financial frustration of clipping coupons and shopping at consignment stores is nothing like the financial frustration of rescuing an orphan. It is incomparable.

My heart hurts and my mind is racing. The doubts come easily and the questions come quickly.

None the less, we will press on. I am weak, but in my weakness the power of Christ will be made strong. (2 Cor. 12:9) My confidence that the Lord will provide is not based on my emotions, circumstances or a denial letter. My confidence is based upon His Word and unchanging character. He is Jehovah Jireh - the Lord will provide.

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